The Horror: Knitprovisation

Don't worry. The patterns on the back
are completely different than the front.

Knitprovisation is supposed to be a book to inspire your knitting, even though the author confesses in the introduction to never finishing a knitting or crochet project. There are several suggestions for deconstructing sweaters into new pieces and applying potholders, doilies, and placemats-- yes, placemats-- to your already existing clothing. Unfortunately Cilla Ramnek, the author, seems to have no grasp of color or shape, her meandering experiments being another introduction confession. While meant in all seriousness, Knitprovisation made me laugh until I cried. A book hasn't made me laugh that hard since Dancing with Cats.

When I showed it to my friends, they had this to say:
"Are you sure this wasn't written in the 70s?"
"What's with the effing monkey? That thing's scary!"
"The kids look like malnourished serial killers."
"Was this written in Estonia?"
"My daughter would kill me if I made her wear that."
"Slap a rug on it! You look good!"
"Are those...penises?"

Please note the tiny socks.

Balance?

Awkward Family Photos called. They can still see your nipples.

Because when I find three-dimensional swan doilies,
I too do a happy dance and sew them on my back.

If you want a funny fashion book for your coffee table, this is a good one. If you want suggestions to improve and inspire your knitting, run away lest you wake up with morning with pom poms and post cards hot glued to your purse.