The Horror: What's Under The Bow?

Remember how I was ranting about "nude" being used as a substitute for beige? Mod Cloth is not marketing this bathing suit as nude, but it should come with a warning: Midtone skin may appear naked on beach. If your skin tone ranges from Jennifer Lopez to Lupita Nyong'o, you could pull this off. In fact, Lupita is the only celebrity I could imagine making this work. She could even make that silly cutout look like a cute design detail. Cate Blanchett has a history of making things work, but her skin is so pale, from a distance it would look like she has a reverse suntan. (So says the woman who is so pale that a tinted moisturizer looks like blemishes.) But if you're in between Cate Blanchett and Jennifer Lopez (then you're life is more fabulous than mine), let's say you're Jennifer Lawrence (see, sooooo much more fabulous), wearing this swimsuit is going to look like you are running around on the beach in a giant boob bow. Of course, if your goal is to get everyone on the beach to stare at you, this is one way. I'd rather just be Jennifer Lawrence.